


Nijimura is Hot, the Meta Post

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, M/M, Meta, only not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2551745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nijimura's hotness level is so hot that it may very well require two t’s. Nijimura Shuuzou is hott. A grade-a certified hottie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nijimura is Hot, the Meta Post, part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for [BPS OTP Battle](http://basketballpoetsociety.tumblr.com). All images from [Akashi Scans](http://akashiscans.com).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nijimura Shuuzou is a grade-a certified hottie.

**Abstract:**  While there are many basukes, all ranging in attractiveness from “cute” to “scorchingly hot,” we suggest that Nijimura Shuuzou is in fact the hottest of all the characters in Kuroko no Basuke. With his dashing good looks, powerful basketball prowess, and finger-flicking senpai charisma, Nijimura elevates the hotness level in the series off the previously-recorded scale all the way to “panty-meltingly attractive.” Indeed, his hotness level is so hot that it may very well require two t’s. Nijimura Shuuzou is hott. A grade-a certified hottie.

Furthermore, due to this level of dangerously rugged hotness, we will further prove that everyone wants to get in Nijimura’s pants. Everyone. Even you. But especially Akashi Seijuurou.

**Conjecture 1: Nijimura is the Hottest Basuke**

To begin, we must first establish Nijimura Shuuzou’s hotness as objectively as possible. To illustrate our point, we begin with the obvious: a visual representation of the subject of our report. Please retrieve sunglasses before looking further down the page if you are of a delicate temperament, as the following image of knee-weakening hotness may be too much for sensitive retinas to take in.

> Exhibit A: A man possessed of the hotness to lead an entire basketball team of other hotties.

Now that the matter of physical attractiveness has been proven, we will take the time to expand on Nijimura’s other qualities that contribute to his blinding aura of  _whoa what a babe_ .

In a series about basketball, it stands to reason that attractiveness is directly correlated with basketball talent. Though not one of the Generation of Miracles (we can’t all be genetically enhanced mutants), Nijimura is by far talented enough to rank among the hottest of hot hotties on basketball skills alone.

> Exhibit B1 and B2: Fantastic ball handling. Just look at that attractive upper lip action.

Nijimura wasn’t called the strongest power forward (some say point forward, we say get forward so we can look at that behind) in middle school for no reason. Along with the leadership skills to carry Teikou’s team to victory, he has the skills to stand on the court with the best of the best.

And what of those leadership skills, you may ask? We need only direct your attention to the following image:

> Exhibit C: The Head Pat of Senpai-ness

Notice the expert placement of the fingers on the worrying kouhai’s head for maximum reassurance levels. Take in the aura of reassuring confidence, that noble and proud manner that says  _get your shit together and stop worrying because senpai is here you brat_ . You can practically hear Aomine Daiki’s heart skip a beat. His internal monologue surely consists of nothing more than  _SENPAI NOTICED ME._

Nijimura’s leadership capabilities extend to possibly the most important quality for a captain of a curb-stomp-capable team to have: attractive group-shot posing.

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/c1l9IQt.png)

> Exhibit D: The real reason Kuroko wanted to make it to 1st string.

Despite not having rainbow hair to match his name, Nijimura manages to stand out by virtue of sheer, overwhelming good looks. Without him, the composition of the shot would be ruined. Bangs-senpai in the background clearly doesn’t have the model-worthy chops to hold the center of the group. No one else possesses the brooding intensity necessary to take this team all the way from a bunch of pretty attractive guys to  _wow, I would join up as a manager and sell sweaty towels on the school black market in a second_ .

It’s no wonder then that every character is drawn to Nijimura’s mysterious, alluring charm. Even the Generation of Miracles whose role in the series is “jerk-ass friends to be beat” yearn for those firm head pats and that manly finger-to-the-forehead flick. All who lay eyes upon the sculpted majesty that is Nijimura Shuuzou want to get in his pants.

In short:

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/w4SuvGz.jpg)

> Exhibit E: Seriously, if you don’t think this, see a doctor ASAP.

  


**Conjecture 2: But who is Nijimura Hot for?!**

Now that Nijimura’s status as the “the  _Kuroko no Basket_ character all other characters are hot for; yes, probably even the ones that haven’t met him” has been established, the natural follow-up question is: who is  _Nijimura_ hot for? Doubtless, his many underclassmen must have clamored for his attention and affections. In the absence of hard proof, we rely on careful observations of Nijimura’s interactions with his teammates to posit that the likely winner is the ever-victorious Akashi Seijuurou. Not only is Akashi the person we see Nijimura interact with most frequently, their interactions often reveal to us different aspects of their personalities.

First, let us consider the sheer depth of emotion that Akashi undoubtedly has towards Nijimura through pictorial evidence:

[ ](http://puu.sh/6VsFY.png)

> Exhibit F: Is Akashi putting his shirt on or taking it off, unable to control himself in Nijimura’s presence? We don’t know.  _We just don’t know._

[ ](http://imgur.com/GaRJVvR)

> Exhibit G: Akashi Seijuurou, age 13, unable to stop himself from staring at the subject’s shapely derriere except by physically closing his eyes.

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/n0gM2n3.png)

> Exhibit H: Control yourself, Akashi. It would not do to get thrown out of Teikou for inappropriate conduct when you just got promoted to captain.

This study would not be complete, of course, without considering when [Nijimura requests that Akashi be made the new captain of Teikou](http://reader.akashiscans.com/read/kuroko_no_basket/en/0/211/page/4) (Chapter 211, pgs. 4-8). This scene reveals several key pieces of information, namely:

1\. Nijimura acknowledges Akashi’s capabilities. Furthermore, he started to recognize Akashi early in their relationship by promoting Akashi to vice-captain, even changing the usual one captain, one-vice captain system to incorporate Akashi. That Nijimura was the one to recommend Akashi to both the vice-captaincy  and the captaincy (especially considering that the other vice-captain is his yearmate, somebody he has been playing basketball with for his entire middle school run) shows that they mutually acknowledge each others’ abilities; and

2\. Nijimura is willing to depend on Akashi and considers him trustworthy. Although he admits he would have preferred that Akashi not know about his family situation, he automatically seems to believe that Akashi will keep it a secret — which, naturally, Akashi does. Nijimura feels comfortable sharing with Akashi that he is not just an unbelievably hot captain with mad basketball skills, he’s an unbelievably hot captain with mad basketball skills  _and_ a sad backstory, a triple-threat that would entrance even the hardest and most jaded of hearts. It’s a good thing that Akashi  does keep it a secret, or else we’d assume that most of Teikou Middle School would have spontaneously keeled over and moaned aloud, “why do bad things have to happen to hot people?!” while rocking back and forth slightly.

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/PzfTFEr.jpg)

> Exhibit I: Nijimura referring to Akashi as “captain”, which he does several times. We can only imagine in what other contexts Akashi asks Nijimura to call him “Captain Akashi”.

However, there are other important canon points to consider. For example, consider when [Haizaki calls Akashi](http://reader.akashiscans.com/read/kuroko_no_basket/en/0/208/page/7) (Chapter 208, pg. 7), when Nijimura takes forcibly Akashi’s cellphone. Akashi offers no resistance, suggesting the two of them were close enough that the moment wasn’t unexpected for either of them. [Aside: we could set an entire section dedicated to analyzing in great detail “moments when Nijimura snatched things from Akashi”; alas, we are not immune to Nijimura’s smoking hot bod and luscious, full lips and can only handle reviewing his appearances for so long before we spontaneously swoon and fall to the ground, completely overcome by feelings of amour towards Nijimura Shuuzou.]

And, of course, we have taken an index of all the times that Nijimura has looked at Akashi (not nearly as many times as Akashi stares longingly at his back, but still a considerable amount) and come to the conclusion: it’s rude to eyefuck each other during matches, please stop out of consideration for the rest of us.

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/sZy2xNY.jpg)

> Exhibit J: No, but seriously, guys. Cut it out. Do what you want off the court, but let’s keep it professional during official games, okay?

The important thing to remember here is that Akashi Seijuurou wins at everything, especially when it comes to getting his (beautiful, perfect) senpai to notice him.

  


**Conclusion:**

Fujimaki’s next series should be nothing but Nijimura Shuuzou wearing extremely tiny speedos. Akashi would finance this endeavor.


	2. Nijimura is Hot, the Meta Post, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone loves Nijimura-senpai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for BPS character battle. All images from [AkashiScans](http://akashiscans.com).

**Abstract** : While we have already conclusively proved that Nijimura is a grade-A two-t certified hottie, our previous efforts at scholarly discourse have been remiss. The subject Nijimura Shuuzou’s hottness cannot be disputed; however, our earlier ranking of his attractiveness levels were far below accurate readings. With new equipment and a greater research budget, we will now prove that the manga _Kuroko no Basket_ is not actually a manga about basketball, but rather a manga about getting in Nijimura's pants.  
  
Everyone loves Nijimura-senpai. The manga is actually the prototype scenario for an otome game called _Nijimura no Harem_. Read on for proof that the Teikou basketball club is in fact the club of suitors out to win Nijimura-senpai’s love.

  
 **Conjecture 1: Once again, Nijimura is the hottest basuke**  
  
Before we may prove the existence of Nijimura-senpai’s secret harem, we must first revisit previous research and establish that Nijimura’s hottness levels are indeed, like, totally drool worthy omigosh kyaaaa. Once again, the only evidence we need present is a visual representation of our subject. Prepare yourself, readers. What follows is an image of such noble bearing, such handsome strength, that those faint of heart may swoon. If this happens, don’t be embarrassed. Merely collect yourself, print out this picture, pin it to your wall to lovingly gaze at, and continue reading once your heartbeat has settled again.  
  


> Exhibit A: A man so attractive that he makes a rainbow wristband look like a cool fashion statement

Beneath that manly exterior lies a kind, sensitive soul. Nijimura is not just a man who looks good in a uniform. No, he also dispenses senpaily advice and leads his team through the sheer power of being Best Senpai and having an ass worth running laps until you puke just so you can run behind him and stare at it. Nijimura is the boy from the wrong side of the tracks that you could bring home to meet your mother (or excessively strict and demanding father). Truly, the depths of Nijimura’s hottness are not just purely physical, but also stem from some inimitable quality that makes you see him and go YEAH BOY YEAH.  
  


> Exhibit B: Truly a Mona Lisa smile for the ages

With both physical and mental factors going for him, it is undeniable fact that you wish Nijimura were your senpai, too.  
  
 **Conjecture 2.A: Everyone is hot for senpai**  
  
As they say, a picture speaks a thousand words, and so here are roughly 10K words on how everybody is super into Nijimura-senpai.  
  


> Exhibit C: They’re enjoying the gratuitous violence Nijimura performs on them so much. That’s unnatural. But also kinky.

> Exhibit D: Observe the sheer excitement everybody has for sitting next to Nijimura. Kise probably had to go take a cold shower.

**Conjecture 2.B: The Generation of Miracles are actually Nijimura’s harem**  
  
Observe our standard otome game harem characters. First, we have Aomine, the earnest one who is clumsy with his feelings:  
  


> Exhibit E: He is what we would consider the “standard” route. Observe first his pure confession; then his surprised happiness over senpai noticing.

Then there’s Midorima, our prim and proper tsundere romance option; Kise, the playboy model experiencing real love for the first time; Murasakibara, who probably doesn’t even realize he’s having feelings for things which are not edible; and Kuroko is the secret path character only unlockable once everybody else’s path has been played.  
  
Finally, there’s Akashi.  
  


> Exhibit F: The classic yandere route, taking out anyone who dares annoy Nijimura-senpai to win his love.

> Exhibit G: The yandere route is dangerous

**Conclusion** : the next official release in the Kuroko no Basket franchise should be a spin-off Nijimura-centric anime series about him and his romancing options. Akashi would (also) finance this endeavor, and it would be better than the Dramatical Murder anime.  
  


> Exhibit H: Being a harem protag is truly so difficult.


End file.
